When did the lines of being care free and fun loving get crossed with being responsible and being an adult?
I am not sure that I am ready or capable of giving up one or the other. I am a person that has many sides, like most people do! I have work Noelle, I have teacher Noelle, mother Noelle, sister and daughter Noelle, friend Noelle, and alone Noelle. I am all these people all the time and it's not like I have multiple personalities, it's just that some need to become more dominant than others at specific times. I need to find the strong and confident Noelle for tomorrow!
What, you might ask yourself, am I doing tomorrow? Well, lets just say that for the first time in SEVERAL years, Noelle is going to be a grown up and go to the doctor. I am a chicken shit when it comes to the doctor. I have many issues and I, for some stupid reason, believe that ignoring problems make them go away. I am here to tell you that's a bunch of BS and I now have the physical and mental (emotional) life to prove it.
I may be sharing too much but what the hell, only two freakin' people read this, so here it goes. I am the only person in my immediate and extended family that is not on some kind of mood-altering medication (e.g, Prozac) for some kind of anxiety or depression. I have mental illness in my family and it is my time to realize that the birth control/regulating hormones isn't working like it used to! I need something more, especially if I am going to be my ass in gear and become the best Noelle possible. I want to so badly and this is the first step I guess.
I am nervous that all my fears (diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, you name it, my freakin' family has it!) are going to become reality tomorrow. I am sitting here very scared and yet somewhat at peace with the whole situation. I may be saying this now, but I know tomorrow, I may puncture my own tires so I don't have to go! Not really, but shit happens... That's all I am sayin'.
So, this post is for Noelle to finally grow some balls and become a complete person with many faceted sides, but to ultimately know and care for the total Noelle as a person. I am thankful for my Maddie, my family, and my friends, who have all encouraged me and supported me through this phase, whatever it is... I will keep you posted as to the results, but lets just say that Ms. Salti may be having to drag my butt out of my apartment tomorrow kicking and screaming!
5 comments:
For those of you who read, I promise that I will start putting pics in my posts, but I usually just have to roll with it when it comes!
Well, my dear, you're on target for an on-time arrival thus far. And have no fear. I will drag your ass, kicking and screaming, out of your apartment if necessary.
More importantly, I am here for you and any support you might need. And just think of it this way, I've been through a lot and deal with a lot, and if I can handle it, by God, I know you can. See you in an hour!
I don't need pics... just love to hear your inner musings. I'm so glad that you went to the doctor. Ignoring problems doesn't help them go away... but I know that we feel that way sometimes. I do that with plenty of other things, believe me. Keep me updated on what the doc said. Love you.
I feel the love from my fab friends! How can one girl be so lucky? I will keep you posted...
Don't feel alone, my friend... I haven't been to the doctor in 10 years... I am a total chicken shit too... I give you major kudos for standing up to it and facing it...the way I won't...hehehehe... I wish you all the best!
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